Leavenworth, WA: Officials released an earlier statement indicating that there may be at least two goofballs on the loose. Their exact whereabouts are unknown at this time, but they are believed to be gallivanting around in the Central Cascades. Police are looking for the following suspects:
1. Jane Doe 1
We do know that Jane Doe 1 often consumes obscene quantities of hot chiles. If you notice a trail of spicy remains, please alert local authorities immediately.
2. Jane Doe 2
Past reports indicate that Jane Doe 2 may be armed and should therefore be considered dangerous.
Civilian eye whitnesses caught cell phone camera footage of the perpetrators in cahoots with Bigfoot who was recently sighted failing to kick his espresso addiction in Index, WA
Based on information gathered from this footage, police have deduced that Jane Doe 2 may have a propensity to take weird side-tongue action shots.
3. Killer bunny
Police declined to provide specifics, but the infamous Cascade Killer Bunny is believed to be connected to the goofballery of the two aforementioned suspects.
3. Mountain Goat Marvin?
Police need more evidence before determining whether or not Mountain Goat Marvin is an accomplice or a victim of the Jane Duo's goofy ways. Due to an earlier incident with Marvin, experts on the matter have said that they believe Marin has magical powers. So it is likely that he is involved in the Janes' charades.
These suspects have continued to defy law enforcement but have been sighted in the following locations:
The goofballs were most recently seen eyeballing Aasgard Pass in the Enchantments, possibly alluding to their escape route. Police would like to thank the lone mountaineer wearing the dashboard hula girl-printed ball cap for volunteering this information.
If you have any information on the Jane Doe duo, Killer Bunny, Bigfoot, or Mountain Goat Marvin or if you see evidence of excessive giggling, wine drinking, overly zealous hiking, inappropriately graphic digestive conversations, or general goofiness, please contact local police immediately.
Jane Doe #2 was also seen posting blogs without running the spellchecker. Grammar Police have joined the investigation.
ReplyDeleteGrammar police are hot on her trail! Their investigation has uncovered that she wrote the post entirely from her iPhone without first reviewing it on a full screen.
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